Post #3:

Unlike many Iraqis that spent the past few days raving about the Iraq-US Military pact, which I saw on the news on Choo8i’s TV by chance, Choo8i himself hurriedly changed the channel back to MBC Action with a shrug. The only comment I’ve heard from him regarding that was “ra7 tijeena 3ajajat’ha”. I’m assuming, and just assuming here, that he simply doesn’t care, since apparently whatever effect it’s going to have on his life will just always be out of his hands.

As a matter of fact, Choo8i himself had been very busy tending to his so-called “Love Life”, which essentially consists of idling on the couch in front of television with a small stock of Iraqna cards on a nearby coffee table—within reach that is, and the cell phone permanently glued to his ear, exchanging whispers with some girl. Of course, when electricity went off, Choo8i somehow managed restraining himself from cursing the government and such. And when it got cold and it was time to light the 9opa, the geriatric 3ala2ildeen, he did it with phenomenal efficiency and quiet that do not resemble the typical mumble-jumble that could stir Noah out of his grave.

Choo8i was being lamely amorous. And somewhat uncharacteristically polite and charming.

Here’s the story of that; one I also overheard from his numerous phone calls with her and his best friends…

So apparently, like many of our 3awi youth, Choo8i had wasted many hours of his young life stalking girls’ high schools, as soon as he was old enough to drive. Without a license, mind you—Um Choo8i would send him to get some 9ammoon men ras el shari3 and he would be gone for a couple of hours. Anyhow, so on one of those quests which he apparently spent writing his number on a small piece of paper and dropping it for girls to pick and hopefully call, something had happened. His ever-sharp genius somehow lead him to drive a little further from the school he was stalking one afternoon, get out of the car and follow a horde of girls among whom he spied a pretty Missy. And here comes the interestingly lame part; he followed them for a few meters then called after one of them “Excuse me! You’ve just dropped this!” and he handed her a bunch of intelligently-folded random papers from his own school notebooks. The girl, apparently quite the catch, and I quote ‘gave him the most charming smile ever and winked as she took them’.

Charming.

Ever since then, Choo8i and his lovely Missy have been…talking to each other on the phone; youth’s idea of having a relationship. And since I discovered that she lives just around the corner, I realized that Choo8i’s sudden impulse to “take a walk”, a rare event in this country, was only driven by his wishes to see the girl. With whom he would otherwise be repeating the very same lines day in and day out on the phone, for years, wasting a considerable amount of his money on keeping a fat stock of Iraqna credit in her cell phone…because she asked him to.

(Spells “sucker” if you ask me…but let’s not discuss my opinion here)

But see, today was one of those days when things were just a little different between the two of them. Apparently Missy had just gotten a fresh stock of DVDs, some of which apparently include the complete DVD rip of “Noor”; for those unfamiliar with that series, you’ve probably managed saving precious hours of your lives by not having watched it, being a gut-wrenchingly, lamely-dramatic and mind-numbingly repetitive Turkish drama by the name of “Gumus” . Regardless, ever since Missy’s landed her digital treasure, she’s been nagging Choo8i to treat her like Muhannad does!

I suppose she wants him to keep walking out so she can cry, get stabbed or shot or beaten near what would have been a VERY timely death, so she can cry harder and try to donate a kidney. That is, after having experienced everything on the hue from miscarriage to all forms of rejection. The sort of unrealistic drama that would give people hypertension and then a heart attack by experiencing one tenth of. All for the sake of an occasional candle-lit dinner—a luxury the government provides for the masses in this country, as Missy has failed to notice.

Very-very charming.

Unfortunately though, Choo8i himself decided to get a similar set of DVDs just to study Muhannad’s character closely. Consequently, as they grabbed the phone for a prolonged, repetitive chat today, it eventually strayed to that series.

-I know 7ayati. Bas Noor is a little 3u8ad…

-…

-No 3umree, I’m not calling you 3u8ad. I’m ju-…

-….!!!

-…Ee but they’re married, that’s how he wakes her up with a breakfast tray…

-….*I actually assume she asked him about marrying her…which is perhaps why Choo8i went comically pale and stuttery!*

-Of course, 3umree. But not just yet. I need to-…

-…*And here I assume she nagged more!*

-Missy 7abeebti, Allah ykhalleech now is not the time to talk about marriage.

-…*She probably said a thing or two about Noor and Muhannad again*

-Well, you’re not Noor and I’m not Muhannad!!!

-….!!!

-…*Sounding somewhat apologetic though he was getting pissed…* No 7abeebti, I didn’t mean it that way. I just mean that you’re more beautiful and that I’m not like that dude. They’re 3aween, and we’re beyond that level in our relationship…

(Notice the irony; the phone relationship is being compared to a fictional TV relationship that was already very bad…)

-….

-But I’m not ready to get married; otherwise trust me, I would treat you better than Muhannad treats Noor!

(I hope he would; otherwise that would be one fucked up marriage)

-….

-Agullich, I’m getting sick of thi-..

-….!!!!

-Well, I won’t call you till you’ve gotten Noor and Muhannad out of your mind, alright? I’m not marrying anybody anytime soon. And if you want a candle-lit dinner, turn the darn generator off! *And here, Choo8i hung off and pretended to throw the phone away—he simply tossed it onto the neighboring couch though*

The phone rang again and again, and after a while he received a message; probably a break up message, because after reading it, he turned his phone off in a few profane murmurs then got up, grabbed the stack of Noor DVDs and broke them one by one, tossing them into the trash can as he cursed the day he met Missy.