Like many people know, these days are supposed to be Eid and all. But akhookum Choo8i, like many others in this country that hasn’t witnessed an Eid without disagreements for years now, was as confused as the next Iraqi dude when it came to deciding when Eid is supposed to be.
Monday morning, Choo8i woke up somewhat early- surprising, since he’s stayed up somewhat late the night before, struggling with the somewhat enigmatic nature of house chores consisting of mopping, vacuuming and dusting between the generator and the temperamental wa6anya, clearing two weeks’ worth of accumulated dirt and stubborn traces of gahwa-revival in the form of piercing odors of feet and cigarettes.
Where was I…
Ah, yes. So, he woke up somewhat early, shaved and had a long shower, only to show up in the living room in a clean dishdasha, his cologne’s radius probably extending to cover a few blocks. And after a typically-heavy breakfast in front of TV, he picked the phone to call his friends for the typical mu3ayada call, though his ulterior motive turned to be in the form of having an Eid lunch, since he’s all solo in town.
His first phone call was to his best friend Mazin, who despite being a Catholic Christian, was always included in Eid plans, especially those related to food, since Eid was about…basically eating, drinking and having good time with family and friends. And after a few moments of beating around the bush, Choo8i admitted to wanting to see whether his friends would have lunch at a 7artheya restaurant, since they’re the closest he’s got to family in the country.
Mazin was apparently welcoming, and Choo8i was quite pleased, so next thing he did was call the rest of his friends, and that’s when things started going wrong—Some were actually welcoming, but some apparently told him that Eid only started on Tuesday, while others said even more perplexing things that I couldn’t hear, but that seem to have left Choo8i dumbfounded regardless.
I heard plenty of frustrated arguments resembling this one:
-Agullak latkhabbulni, what do you mean “today is not Eid”? It’s on TV!
-Ha? And what’s that got to do with anything?
-Well, isn’t this Eid supposed to be about pilgrimage? Pilgrims were on Mount Arafat yesterday, I saw that on T-…
-….Are you actually telling me your people weren’t there yesterday? Ya3nee 7atta b hai?
-Aha. El sayyid gal. Okay, gotcha.
-Okay then, we’ll come up with something else. I’ll let you know.
So after a few hours of arguing whether Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday was the ideal day to have the darn lunch, and after many obscene statements regarding 3amamt el bedha w 3amamt el khadhra w 3amamt el soda, Choo8i cursed el yom el aswad and it was agreed that in the best interest of friendship, the lunch was postponed to Friday—by then, it’s supposedly guaranteed that everybody has at least began celebrating Eid sometime earlier, regardless of whether it was over already for others. And on that note, frustrated Choo8i left to buy himself a barbeque lunch.
Today though, Tuesday, his parents called from abroad, to exchange good wishes. Turns out it was their first day of Eid too…and I hesitate to quote the blasphemous statements Choo8i muttered upon hanging off, after a conversation of confusion and false cheerfulness.